Sunday, January 30, 2011


I wasn't able to find anything interesting to read, or at least I couldn't bring myself to read anything at the library. Robbie tried to get me to read some things on puppets, but I found myself rereading Peter Pan. It makes me a little bit better, reading about the adventures of a boy that never grew up. At least with Brian's passing, he'll still be a child. He'll always be remembered as one, and never have to go through growing up, and that's a good thing isn't it? Robbie sure thought so when I talked to him about it, but I guess a puppeteer can never truly grow up. I think next week will be a little bit happier, I can't linger on Brian's death forever. Maybe..I'll try reading to the children again. They really liked that.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Not the Same

It's been ten days since I started going back to work, and even with Robbie with me I find it hard to enjoy the job like I used to. The children are still friendly with me, but I just can't be the same with them. No one questions what happened to Brian, and none of them act strange around me. I just can't try to get close to any of them again, I'm afraid if I do they'll just end up dead like's a terrible feeling. Robbie's been putting on puppet shows almost weekly at the daycare, I think it's mainly to keep me happy or distracted. I dread that the other employees will start to realize how unenthusiastic I am and ask me to resign. is better to have me working than to have me moping around the house all day, I think.  Maybe I'll try to go research something tomorrow, and maybe Robbie will come with me.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Back to Work

I started going back to work yesterday, and before I left today I decided that it would be best to let you all know. Robbie has been coming with me to work, mainly to volunteer and keep me company. Also, Alice and I have been talking about the occurrences of Brian's Card and her picture appearing. I'm still not taking any of it well, but...I'm getting better. We can't think of a logical explanation, and it just unsettles me that someone, somehow is trying to drag Alice into this..

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A Walk in Wonderland

Robbie decided it would be best to take me on a walk today. He says I've been getting worse and worse since Brian's death, and that a walk in the forest would do me some good. It had snowed not too long ago, and the birds were almost nonexistent, but Robbie insisted on taking some pictures. I thought I would post them.

 I don't know what made Robbie take this picture, I think he only wanted to make me feel better. At least the sound of the water was nice.

...The cemetery where Brian was buried in. I didn't want to post the picture of his headstone, as I still think it would be an invasion of his privacy.  I should have brought flowers to put on his grave.

 This picture is so unnaturally dark, I don't know why. It must be something in Robbie's camera.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

In Memory of Brian

Today was Brian's funeral. I didn't speak or say anything about him and nor did I stay long because I wasn't family, but I still couldn't bring myself to go to work. The day care understands, but I'll have to head back soon. His death wasn't related to them this time, so my off time is only allowed at so much...I came home and found myself reading an old book of mine. 'Peter Pan', more specifically, 'Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens'. It made me feel better, until I came toward the end of the book. I'll share it with you, it made me think of Brian so much...

"But he still has a vague memory that he was a human once, and it makes him especially kind to the houseswallows when they visit the island, for houseswallows are the spirits of little children who have died. They always build in the eaves of the houses where they lived when they were humans, and sometimes they try to fly at a nursery window, and that is why Peter loves them the best of all the birds."

I'm not sure exactly what a house swallow is, I only get pictures of the barn swallows. Still, if I ever see one I'll be sure to take its picture. For Brian's sake....