Sunday, May 8, 2011
I have been so very troubled, looking over the last month's posts-I mean both Alice's posts and my own-and the drastic change occurred that I just..don't understand. My posts are full of hostility, and anger, while Alice's Schizophrenia becomes more and more severe. I don't know what caused my anger, even when I think back through the month, nothing about me was different. I had no headaches, no other injury other than the owls attacking me. The only parts I have no memory on are the two weeks I was searching for Roc. I remember walking through the forest, I remember hearing the birds and other normal sounds, but how could I have been wandering in a forest for two weeks? It is impossible. Robbie tells me about how he worried he was when I was missing, so I know I could not have come home without knowing. If something had happened to me, I would have remembered. The human brain simply doesn't just forget things, especially traumatic things, unless some injury occurs. No scars were on me after I arrived home, nothing until the owl attack. If I did suffer from some sort of amnesia, what could have caused it? Memory doesn't just blank out, and it's concerning me that something in my own head has gone awry. My personality change only supports this, and no doubt it has had a negative effect on Alice. I'm just as confused as she is, simply without the severity of her disorder. I'll have to spend more time looking into what could have possibly caused this, maybe by doing so I'll be able to help both myself and Alice.