Sunday, July 17, 2011

Understanding Alice

I am growing more and more worried about Alice every day. Anyone who has been reading her entries can see it; her psychotic states are growing worse and worse. With only being able to contact her through the internet, there is so little I can do. She avoids my e-mails, which are the only way I can try to follow her moods. I don't know what is triggering her psychotic episodes, or why they are occurring so often and so violently. Sometimes they can be triggered by mood; usually you simply do not hallucination continually. But with her entries growing worse and worse, I fear her schizophrenia will simply start to destroy her in other ways. The disorder can lead to many other disorders, and without help she could lose touch with everyone and everything around her.

The fact she has kept a job and kept up with the activities with the bird club are a miracle, but I doubt they will last. I hope if she can't trust me, she will be able to trust someone-such as Andreas. I don't know what else I can do then sit and wait, and hope that maybe she will learn to understand that I am trying to help her. I know it can become hard for her to understand things, and the longer she goes untreated the worse it will become. She won't be able to make decisions or even make use of the information given to her. I know she used to take medication, but it doesn't seem to be helping her anymore. I don't even know if she still tries to take it, or if she has decided to go untreated.

Her ways are also becoming much more confusing and disorganized. The videos she has posted, and the hidden picture are examples of this. I suspect they were supposed to be messages for me. Messages that I can't understand because I don't know where her head is. I fear she will begin to believe the delusion of that man. That Slender Man, Tall Man, or the Tailor-whatever she chooses to call him. I fear she may be trying to prove his existence, and her disorder only helps to prove it. She has already had enough of an effect on me with the number five. I have been trying to see any and all relations with the number five and my life; nothing fits. The number five has nothing to do with me directly, and yet I cannot think of anything but the number. Robbie has been trying to keep my mind off of it, he has been trying to keep me away from Alice so that I do not worry about her. But I do worry; I wish to understand what she is trying to tell me. I wish to know what is going on so that I can help her and get her to talk to me once more. If understanding what the five has to do is the key to that, then I must stop at nothing in order to figure it out.

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